I have been so busy lately...I feel like it's been forever since I last posted. So sorry about that!!
I have so many new beauty products to test and review for you, nail polish too! Stay tuned for those reviews to be posted soon...AND my two (2) year blog anniversary is coming up next month. I still can't believe it's been two years!! I am working on another polish to celebrate the big event. It's a surprise and I cannot wait to share it with you all!!
You know we talk about everything on my blog...from make up to recipes...but today I want to talk about internet dating. Why? Because it's driving me to the brink of madness! LOL.
I've been separated from my husband for about 2 years (come this May). When we first separated, I was devastated...it was a long, painful, difficult, miserable road. I don't think I got out of bed, other than to go to work, for the first year or more. My family and friends were instrumental in getting me through those dark times and helping me to understand that life goes on. So, one day I just picked myself up, dusted myself off and started living again. I work in a very small office and there is no chance of meeting anyone through work. I have my kids 24/7...and although my girls are not babies, we spend a lot of time together. My kids are with me 99% of the time. Their Dad does see them, but he usually either sees them at my house, or he takes them out for 2-3 hours and brings them right back. He does not have them on any type of schedule and he never takes them for overnight visits. It's a very atypical, unusual situation and it definitely makes it difficult, if not impossible, for me to have any type of social life. He has one, mind you...but I have the kids and they come first.
So, I joined Match.Com and a couple of free dating websites, in the hopes of meeting some nice guys to talk to, date, go to the movies, dinner...that sort of thing. I had really high hopes in the beginning. I know of a few couples who have met online and are either married, engaged or in a serious relationship. I hear of people who met online all the time and are successfully dating. I figured how hard could it be, right?
Well, let me tell you, it's damn near impossible. I cannot believe how hard it is. I don't know how it is for other women and men...but for me, I am completely and totally frustrated and disgusted.
I am 51. I get a lot of 20 something year olds looking for a relationship (yeah right!). I am not a cougar! Then there's the men in their 30's....they all seem to have some crazy fetish they want satisfied. The men in their 40's seem to only want Friends with Benefits (FWB) or hook-ups. The few men I've met in their 50's or even early 60's I just don't seem to click with. No matter what their age, about 98% want to send naked pictures to me. What the hell is up with that? When did that become the social norm? You exchange a few messages or emails, exchange phone numbers and boom...you open your text messages and whoop there it is. I don't get it. Now, please don't get me wrong...I'm not saying there is anything wrong with sexting, between two consenting adults...however, it's not something that I would ever be comfortable with - with a perfect stranger. How are you supposed to lead off with naked pictures and phone sex before you've met and know if there is any chemistry whatsoever? To me, that's a form of intimacy and I need to know you, trust you and really like you. I'm sorry, I just don't get it and I never will.
I met this incredibly handsome guy named Chris on Match.Com last October. He sent me a few pictures and I talked to him on the phone a couple times. He was Portuguese and he spoke with a very heavy accent. It was easier for us to text and email. He told me that he was originally from Philly (where I am from) and that he had been in Texas on business for almost 6 months. He told me he was a civil engineer working on a project for the Philippine government. When the project was done, there was supposed to be a big meeting in the Philippines...except the Tsunami hit and he told me the meeting got rerouted to one of their satellite offices....in Lagos, Nigeria. Now, I'm not a complete idiot...I saw red flags immediately...but Chris explained all that away with ease. Now mind you, this is months in the making...we are approaching Valentine's Day at this point...and out of the clear blue sky he tells me that he "ran short" of money and needs my help. $1,500 worth. I was shocked. I couldn't believe he'd asked me for money. I had never heard about dating scams before, I never experienced one before, I just was blind sided. I flatly refused to send him money and it got really ugly. He said horrible things to me. I just stopped talking to him. He still, to this day, emails and texts me begging me to help him.
Here's a couple pictures Chris sent to me (nice, huh?):
I then tried the Facebook dating app, called Tinder. The first person I met was a guy whom I'll call Jason. He was 45 years old, good looking, the most beautiful bright green eyes, built incredible - huge, active military, special forces, total Type-A personality. He was a total badass, but I liked him. He was sarcastic, but funny. We went out a few times and we always had a good time...but he was so incredibly selfish. Everything was about him. The guy didn't know how to say "please" or "thank you" or even a simple "good morning". It drove me nuts. He was also very aggressive in his mannerisms...which I did not like. When I told him I didn't think we should see each other anymore...well, he didn't take it well.
I talk to a lot of guys. I try to give everyone the courtesy of a hello and a chance to see if we have anything in common, unless they disrespect me right from the get go w/a rude message or comment.
Okay...so I tried another free website, suggested by some friends. I really liked this dating site a lot. I met a guy (whom I'm going to call Anthony). He's 44, blonde, blue eyed, muscular...completely adorable. Did I mention I'm a sucker for blue eyes? Anthony's profile says he is from Cherry Hill, NJ. We chatted a few times and he then tells me that he is active military (Army) and stationed in the Sudan. He asked if we could be friends on Facebook because it was easier for him to chat that way, as he had lost his cell phone in Iraq. I don't normally do that...but I figured it was ok. He sent me a few pictures...and every single picture is of him in uniform, usually with some military vehicle or gear or something in the background. His helmet has his last name printed on the band of it. I'm very suspicious of everyone now, since Chris turned out to be a scammer. I got especially freaked out when Anthony told me that he was being reassigned...to....guess where...of all places in the entire world...Nigeria. I didn't believe him, but I hung in there. I sent him a box of goodies (socks, candy...nothing crazy). The box was sent to him in Nigeria, via an agent, not an APO/FPO. I know he got it, because he sent me pictures of him with the stuff I sent.
For my birthday (on 04/02), I asked Anthony to send me a picture of him holding up a sign wishing me a happy birthday...which he did. He was also holding a picture of me which I had sent to him previously in the box of goodies. I figured what more proof could I ask for that he was real, right?
But, here's the problem. I have a friend who's husband is in the military...and I have a male friend who just recently retired from the Army, a 22 year career combat vet, a Lt. Colonel...and they both tell me that Anthony is a fraud...a scammer if you will. They both say the picture Anthony sent me for my birthday has been photoshopped. But, I have other pictures of Anthony and it's the same guy. I asked Anthony about that...he was pissed. He swears the picture is 100% real, authentic. Why would anyone go to such lengths to deceive me? For what purpose?
I told Anthony about my concerns and he swears that he is 100% legitimate and he doesn't understand why "my friends" are saying that he is not.
So...I asked him for proof...once and for all...I asked him to send me a picture of his military ID...but he refused. He said he cannot do it and he cannot tell me why, other than he would be putting his job in jeopardy. He has begged me, I mean begged me, repeatedly, to trust him - to believe in him, that he is not lying to me and he would never hurt me. I stopped talking to him...but he didn't stop talking to me. He asked me, he begged me, to please have faith in him. I didn't talk to him for 5 days. 5 days of him messaging me, emailing me, begging me, pleading with me to hang in there...he'll be home soon and will answer all my questions and explain everything.
So...what am I to do? What would you do?
I figure it this way...there is no harm in continuing to talk to him. He hasn't asked me for anything. I have pretty much given up on online dating at this point. I think men are insane and I am so tired of dealing with all the BS. So, if Anthony is telling me the truth...and he does come home some time in the near future...maybe there is a chance for us. If he is a liar and/or scammer, I really haven't lost anything - other than time talking to him. He seems genuine, warm, sweet and I enjoy talking to him. If he is the real deal, lucky me. LOL. Say a prayer for me please...that this doesn't come back to bite me yet again. I don't know how much more of this crap I can take.
I'd love to hear your dating stories. Please share them with me here - in the comments or on my Facebook page.
Thanks for listening and letting me vent.